*just for sharing randomly
I'm thinking about the thing that i did yesterday, about i ignored mimi, jx and ah tat.
Really sorry about this, maybe i really have wrong and small gas,
cause mimi did something that i care, but now i'm fine.
Feel sorry to her, i should not ignore her, cause also not her fault.
Is my problem, and ah tat too~ sorry.. is my fault, i small gas, make u worry.
Jx too~! Sorry..
My grandpa will call me everyday, he will ask me
~what are u doing?
~do u ate already?
~what time class tomorrow?
~Later back ampang or damansara?
Sometime i will feel annoyed when he calling me, cause he always ask the question
i know he is worry about me, i knew it
Sometime, he will say how the weather there are.. also will say how are him
Just now he called me.. raining there.. and my grandma went to 小叔叔's place
she will overnight at there too, they will go nine temple tonight
and my 老嫲在老人院, grandpa said she now can't talk properly
sometime say her leg is tied by people, hope she live well at there
Australia relative also come back here to visit her
so, tonight just left my grandpa alone in the house, is raining just now
he not yet went out to buy the dinner, cause now the house dint have people to cook
cause the 3 members of the house already overage..
Still have my 老嫲 cook before, miss her cook actually, there have some my favorite food
after that she start ask some question again and again, that time we knew she is getting older.
So, stop cooking at all..
Sometime my grandpa will told me how the situation they are..
Sometime my grandpa will have some fever, but he will go see doctor,
and he start to ask me to do something kindly, he ask me give some money for the beggar.
Firstly, i have some unwilling, cause there will have some news about the fake beggar.
He always told me 人在做，天在看
He also will ask me when he call me
~have you saw a beggar today?? have you give some money for them? 20 sen or 50sen also can, not matter how many money you give them, at least you have heart
haha, but sometime i really no saw some beggar, maybe have, i dint notice it.
then he will continue say, 做人不可以将自私的，我们老了，看的东西也多了，也不计较了，做人不要太贪心, and so on and so on..
But it is real, some overage people really wont argue many thing, maybe they really see it clear.
Those of thing, sometime will make me want to go back to look after them,
i promised myself, i should look after them when i grow up and when i can earn money, 6 of them
They really treat me very good, just like my parent or more
I have responsibility to look after them
Cause this promise make me feel guilty, i not yet did it
Can they wait me? Or what should i do now?
I scare when i wanna do, it is too late for me..
my mom too~! she also will tell me about her feeling or situation,
cause my dad very enjoy life, he less save money at all,
is my mom helping him to save,
So, my mom will ask me dont use so many money, and my dad will stand treat his friend eat some better food, mean restaurant = paparich, oldtown, mcd and so on.
It is too embarrassing that when she give me money,
maybe i felt that i already grow up, still need to take money from them.
Sometime feel make them pressure to earn money, maybe it is normal, parent to their child
Maybe i started have that feeling.
Haiz, sometime feel upset, really dont know wanna to share with who,
have someone really understand me? I hate the feeling that u cold to me
feel like avoid me, maybe really make you angry, i'm sorry, and u told me don't wan to say sorry to you.
I think the word yesterday i said is really straight, maybe it hurt you, or make you dislike me.
Sometime need a people that i can rely on, then i will always rely on him
maybe will make him tired, because of me..
Just like ex told me, "i'm tired"
What am I? Sometime feel i'm useless, do something stupid, something useless
Sometime will hate myself, sometime make me afraid, sometime scare i did something wrong
really need time, just give some time for us.. maybe i too impulse..
i did everything also because of you, happiness, sadness
i know i say this, will make some pressure for you,
then you will think a lot of thing, then felt guilty and keep say sorry to me.
Can you just try to think some positive way?
i know you want me be happy, me too~!
i hope you can be happy too,
and you sleep late because of me, maybe.
Sometime really very confused, i want to care you, but you don't let me care
I know you don't want me to get hurt, i know you did the decision is good for me, and you too.
What can i say, Thanks for caring me and loving me...
I like you...
21-10-2012
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